hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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