Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize