She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
