I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Randomize
