OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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