Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
