Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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