yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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