A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
