You're my little dorito
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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