They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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