adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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