it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
