At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Randomize
