used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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