i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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