Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Vodka?
Forever.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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