alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
wow bdsm is so cute
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
