Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize