I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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