im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
