i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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