Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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