Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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