I think i peed on brittanys purse
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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