I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize