Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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