I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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