So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
