Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
then he tried to convert me to islam
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
