Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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