I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
