Christians are straight up FREAKS
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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