I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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