You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
