your parents love me but you hate me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
