shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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