so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
