I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
