Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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