Having a random hookup so left but love u
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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