I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
