"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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