He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
