I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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