Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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