dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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