If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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