yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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