I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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