Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
