I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Randomize
