She's JV to your varsity
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
