you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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