you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
