I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
