Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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