Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
