How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Bring me that man meat
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
