she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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