Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
