i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Actions speak louder than pants.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize