I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
