i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
