I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
