I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
