Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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