Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
