these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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