i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
