Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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