so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
