i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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