i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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