I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
whose parrot is this?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
