A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
