I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
