Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
