either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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