I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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