What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
