Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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