I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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