NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
