I think I just saw someone hide a body.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
