Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize