see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
