I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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