You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
