I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I puked a lego.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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