I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
