How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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