tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
