Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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