I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
